9:03 a.m. - 2005-08-12
Nice and Easy Rant
Clutching the slivered handrail and climbing the rustic steps, I could just make out Sinatra's "Nice and Easy" playing inside. The wicker rocker squeaked on the redwood slats of the deck as Ron clicked back and forth like a wistful metronome. His orphan eyes seemed to sag at the corners in ways I hadn't noticed. "When?," he asked with his simple grace. I remembered the day he had moved me to the mountain, my meager belongings pressing against the back windows of his shiny, new black Jeep. That was the song we had sung loudly throughout the two and a half hour ride, snapping our fingers to Frank's exaggerated "hip", hopeful for our future. "Two weeks," I answered through hot sudden tears. "It's a mistake," I offered. "I know it. I signed a lease. I can't believe I did it. Maybe your manager can get me out of it." Ron continued to sway back and forth in the Victorian chair. Let's take it nice and easy... Panic followed me into the living room. The stuffed iguana stared accusingly from the sill as I crumpled my duffle bag in a heap on that carpet the color of warm dust. Frida Kahlo scowled in my direction from above the long dining room table. "It was impulsive. I'm so sorry. It's a mistake. What was I thinking? I'll make it right. I promise" ... it's gonna be so easy ... The dignity of Ron's composure convinced me all the more of the horrible mistake I had made ... for us to fall in love ... "I love you. I do. I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking. Please help me make this stop" ... the problem now of course is ... Ron walked slowly to the kitchen. Deliberately, he sliced a bulb of garlic, his six foot plus frame stooping in a way I hadn't noticed ... to simply hold our horses ... "Please call your manager. Maybe there's something he can do to get me out of the lease. Please help me. I love you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Please." ... to rush would be a crime ... After a silent and awkward dinner, Ron held me tenderly in front of the fire, imperceptibly stroking my shoulder ... nice and easy does it ... I cried and I cried and I cried ... nice and easy does it ... and then I cried some more ... nice and easy does it ... "I'll always love you" ... every time.
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